My eyes wide open.

I am watching the relationship between my brother and his wife fail. Second wife. I hate to be at this situation because i clearly know he is the one who is in the wrong but can’t do shit. It has come to the point that i want her to leave to escape all this. I myself do not know how to handle the fact that my brother has turned into a male Chauvinistic asshole.

I told him point black that i am going to run very fast when i meet a man like him. When did the argument come about?

She doesn’t do it often but she usually comes home late either on fridays or Saturday. Now everyday she wakes up two hours earlier than usual to shower, then wakes the baby to feed her and by the time the baby has started drowsing of to sleep. It is my brother’s time to wake up and he said that just because there is a baby doesn’t mean his lifestyle is going to change. Meaning…he will make sure to bang everything. Closet doors, bathroom doors. He shouts asking his other 7 year old son if has had his breakfast and lets not forget that my sister in law was finally getting the baby to sleep so she grabs her stuff and go to work.

That all goes assunder when he does all that. I think to just piss her off. I don’t like the way he has chosen too. She has a life.

Just this April. She had gone to see her friends with the baby and she was in a fight with my brother. I was not at home that day. So i got home only to hear that when she returned he had apparently sent a message that she does not come back and she stays where she is.

She had looked at her message too late and well she knocked…knocked…tried calling him. She with the baby slept outsde in the cold all night and it broke my heart. I looked at my brother in a very different light.

He has never wanted to know who her friends are. Who her family is. He has never asked her if she has money when she plans to go to the clinic for the babies check up. Never asked how she is going.

Has never bought the little baby girl a cute dress or a doll. Nothing that makes you think that he is thinking of his baby girl. No.

And now with that routine she does of waking up and taking care of the baby and my brother wakes her back up and it takes another hour to put her to sleep making her late for work. Then she returns and takes a shower and the baby has already been fed by the house maid. She takes the baby, wash her, breast feeds the baby and stays like for two hours trying to make her sleep.

This routine goes on…every bloody day and on Fridays she returns home late and my brother has dubbed her a bad mother because she stays out late. Making it sound like she has been going everyday when she is everyday slaving because from what she is seen from my brother is that he may suddenly turn on her and kick her out of the house without having not planned.

I simply told him that, i would want a time out if it why i. Then he tells me that when i get a husband and i do not bring that bullshit into the house in which i responded that i wouldn’t need a day out if i am lucky and find a man different than him.

He then tells me that is motherhood. Honestly mothers do not complain about their motherhood but they just want respect and help because no matter how much a mother is supposed to go through. It is not right for them to do it alone. It is not right for them to be alone and trying their very best to be wonder woman. Wonder woman had Chris Pine for christs sake. Mothers all need a fairy nanny to just calm the children. Kids are not sunshine everyday. They are the stormy sea and they are the calm sea. They are the sea that you look at and gaze in wonder at the beauty.

My sister in law deserves fucking respect and i got a brother who is doing all this because she cursed at him. Cursed at him because she is here taking care of the baby doing all she can and she is also the step mother to his eldest son and she is also raising him up but my brother thinks he is super dad doing it all on his own. We are invisible. He thinks she does nothing.

He is a man with a wounded ego because she refuses to beg money from him because when she does borrow money. He makes it seem like the world depends on his shoulder. He reminds her down to the tidbit how much he has spent on her.

She tells him she is tired and he asks “doing what? Just breastfeeding the baby?”  She just wanted him to take her to the clinic. To chose an off day but he is forever working one would think he is getting shares from that job.

She is just so tired and he tells me he has locked the door that he is going to lock her out. I just look at him thinking “has this been him all the time?” Was he always like this?

Telling him she doesn’t need to complain. It is motherhood. Okay. So from his vantage point. Mothers should tirelessly leave her life like a robot. Mothers do not deserve a break.




Dear Future husband.

I will want a lot from you a lot in the future but please…please…be a strong man who speaks up when something is wrong and steps forward to do something. 

I need you to be able to stand up to my mom. You see she is a narcissistic woman who loves getting her way and if it is not her way then she will say that you bewitched me or something.

And also…please, I hope your mom isn’t as batshit crazy as mine and too add. Please let’s make money and buy her a house and someone to take care of her when she is getting old. I am not planning on sending my mom to an elderly institution. Granted you are an African man…please. I have enough relatives issues in mine, I kinda hope you have a small family.

My grandmother had 8 sisters and a brother. So I have like 50…aunties and uncle’s.( My mother’s sisters are also batshit crazy like m mom.) so you should imagine if they get married and have kids. I can’t keep up with how many cousins I have and that’s just from my moms side. I have 50 cousins on my dad’s side. So I really can’t keep up with more large extended family if you  exist.

I’ll stay single if you are the type that involves his issues to the other relatives congregation.

Give me a heads up.

Internet is over run by creepy indian men.

I was reading a post about Creepy Indian men and i couldn’t stop laughing.

This guy was talking about how creepy the majority of Indian can be. He currently leaves in India and how he would always catch on how they stared at the women, girls and it became a point that it was so uncomfortable for him and he said if he felt that way, then how would the women feel and if it was a girl alone, then she would have already left. I really liked this post.

Them Indian men have flooded dating sites. The sleazy, creepy messages do not come from my African brothers, no. My messages flood with Indian men who want just to be friend and we all know that is bullshit.

Believe me. A few have declared their love for me. Not the marriage kind of Love but the kind of love that for some reason they think its got power enough for it make you take a nude photo and send it to them as a show of love, they almost immediately ask for a nude or sometimes they just randomly send you a picture of their dick and not one but if they tell you they love you. It won’t be long before they ask for a nude.

You talk to them and they say how they are studying engineering or something and you think finally an educated guy to talk to but they all somehow have their brain occupied by this Creepy behavior where all their education flies out the window and they ask the one thing i hate the most.

“Send me your picture.”

and i have heard of this situation from lots of women, girls. It’s always the Indian men who watch perhaps too much porn and they think us African girls are not educated and very poor that a message from an Indian will make us feel special. They think all of us African girls are willing to put on a free porn show for them like they have seen in these porn sites.

They are just plain fucking creepy. They come onto normal sites and you don’t log in for a while and when you go back you wonder when did this start becoming a dating site? They are everywhere leering their creepiness like zombie virus.

It would be okay if they were gentlemen but honestly this Indian met who are somehow in every social site tend to have a very disturbed mind.






My Melanin, My Insecurities…

You might think African women have no insecurities about their skin color then you are in for a surprise.

How African’s perceive beauty is what makes everyone else more sub conscious about their skin color. No one wants to be dark. It has come to that point that when they describe someone dark, they use “she is almost Sudanese black”.

I have got neighbours, had class mates who were Sudanese and they have a complexion close to Purple. Dark purple and imagine if I constantly berated about my skin color how about them? I do it. I just did it now.

Kids are mean. They don’t know their names but identity them as ” Akina Sudanese” (the sudanese Guys) Not by their names and after they have gone I am suddenly overwhelmed by the guilt of not correcting my nephew. Telling him to go ask their names. 

I am in a country where they identify you by your tribe. If you don’t mention your Mother or fathers name then based on your complexion they will unconciously put you on a category. 

(“Anaka Mkamba”)(“she looks like a kamba”) but I grew up and wondered why I felt humiliated and angry when they thought of me as a Jaluo. I wanted to scratch my skin out. I remember joining college and there was this girl so tall, slender and I almost turned lesbian for her. She was so beautiful. She was a Jaluo and I came out of that prejudiced opinion that I had formed. 

That darkness doesn’t mean ugly. 

Brown skin is the popular skin color to be and the pointy. (“Pointy in which I don’t know how it even means what it means. Pointy is what we refer to Interracial babies.) The ones who you know one of their Parents are White or Arab or Asian…etc.

You will find most women just sleep with them foreign men just to have their beautiful babies…and before we know it. We are all going to be yellow skinned. 

The skin issue has gotten to the point of bleaching. Now those that do it are stupid on another level because you will discover they bleached their faces, neck and arms and perhaps forgot about their legs. 

There is this crave to not be dark and I still feel insecure about it but I am slowly starting to love this complexion of mine. 

But like when I say “I am fat” I didn’t mean I was ugly just fat. So when I say I am dark, don’t tell me that I am Still pretty like you need to console me.

Taking a break from looking pretty.

The big chop is not for everyone and i am taking a break from looking pretty.

You should the see the amount of selfies i have taken. None. What is making it worse?

I got this job at an auto spare shop where i just have this overalls that just perfectly fits me in with the other men, disregarding the fact that i am a total girl who loves all things pink and purple and cries aaaa lot in movies and as well talks in them. Loves romance books, i am such a girl, to my dainty soft hands. How i got this job is beyond me. Thank heavens i do not do the hard work. I am busy writing delivery’s and invoices, receipts. Taking the cash.

When people come to buy some second hand spare parts they blink twice when i speak because. Hey! i am girl. What made you aware?

Oh i don’t know. Your curiously very soft tiny voice resembling like a child. I am having an identity crisis here. I am considering going to job all grunged up in baggy jeans and a big hoodie and peeling my sparkly studs out but my voice will just destroy my character.

Anyway. As long as my 24 year old body stays where i work and my hairstyle? my disaster big chop. I’ll just take a huge break from looking pretty.

and you know what kills my buzz? No hot men to drool at, you know? Like those steamy romance books i read with hot men resembling Vikings. *sigh*



Sansheng, Wangchuan Wu Shang Index


Sansheng, Death Exists Not at the River of Oblivion
(original version)

by Jiu Lu Fei Xiang 九鹭非香

Original Chinese link


Update: I have received Jiu Lu Fei Xiang’s express consent to translate this novel for non-commerial purposes. It is illegal to take my translations without permission or use my translations for any monetary gains.

I can’t seem to find a nice balance between resting and working. If I work, I get tired, if I don’t, I get bored. lol. Rainy Sundays are also the death of me. My fingers keep itching to flex (or is that just old people’s arthritis? >_<) So anyway, don’t get excited yet, this is just the index page for future chapters. This time, I am translating 三生,忘川无殇 by 九鹭非香which was recommended to me by one of my editors, Lily. Out of all the xianxias I’ve read, this is definitely one of the shortest and…

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