My Melanin, My Insecurities…

You might think African women have no insecurities about their skin color then you are in for a surprise.

How African’s perceive beauty is what makes everyone else more sub conscious about their skin color. No one wants to be dark. It has come to that point that when they describe someone dark, they use “she is almost Sudanese black”.

I have got neighbours, had class mates who were Sudanese and they have a complexion close to Purple. Dark purple and imagine if I constantly berated about my skin color how about them? I do it. I just did it now.

Kids are mean. They don’t know their names but identity them as ” Akina Sudanese” (the sudanese Guys) Not by their names and after they have gone I am suddenly overwhelmed by the guilt of not correcting my nephew. Telling him to go ask their names. 

I am in a country where they identify you by your tribe. If you don’t mention your Mother or fathers name then based on your complexion they will unconciously put you on a category. 

(“Anaka Mkamba”)(“she looks like a kamba”) but I grew up and wondered why I felt humiliated and angry when they thought of me as a Jaluo. I wanted to scratch my skin out. I remember joining college and there was this girl so tall, slender and I almost turned lesbian for her. She was so beautiful. She was a Jaluo and I came out of that prejudiced opinion that I had formed. 

That darkness doesn’t mean ugly. 

Brown skin is the popular skin color to be and the pointy. (“Pointy in which I don’t know how it even means what it means. Pointy is what we refer to Interracial babies.) The ones who you know one of their Parents are White or Arab or Asian…etc.

You will find most women just sleep with them foreign men just to have their beautiful babies…and before we know it. We are all going to be yellow skinned. 

The skin issue has gotten to the point of bleaching. Now those that do it are stupid on another level because you will discover they bleached their faces, neck and arms and perhaps forgot about their legs. 

There is this crave to not be dark and I still feel insecure about it but I am slowly starting to love this complexion of mine. 

But like when I say “I am fat” I didn’t mean I was ugly just fat. So when I say I am dark, don’t tell me that I am Still pretty like you need to console me.

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First days in my new job.

Well let’s say I said it was awesome soon.

Its just been three days.I am experiencing.

1: Doubt.

My  co workers all speak my mother tongue Kikuyu that I was not fortunate to speak. 

They speak to me in Swahili the national language and you can’t help it but think they speak about me when they turn to speaking Kikuyu. 

But I am sure they talk about Me because they speak in Kikuyu and lower their voice. 

My other mistake. This was embarrassing. 

I used the toilet which I hadn’t known at that time but it was the bosses toilet and there was no water. So imagine the horror of asking them where to fetch water and this woman had seen me and as I was walking out with the bucket to fetch. They were like (Oh my Godding) me in Kikuyu. *you know? Like OMG she didn’t go there! And she didn’t flash?* 

Like hello!! I was heading to fetch the water. 

Then they resulted to tell me that we don’t use that toilet. Too late. I want to bury myself underground.

I am tempted to snap at them to stop talking in Kikuyu but what can I do? 

Co-Existing together in Peace.

So, where I leave. Kenya, Nairobi. South C. As your heading to Bandari Villas. 

As i walk the long dusty stretch home. There is a sight that out stands me and makes me happy and proud. 

I pass a Catholic church and then next to it, I cross the Mosque next to it. 

And there has been no quarrel. There has been peace. They co-exist together. Makes me wonder why some in the world can’t.