Death After big chop? (2)

Now last year on the same day I made a post about my big move on chopping my hair. Let me tell you. The journey is so far showing me amazing things.

I will not lie to you. It hasn’t been all that amazing. The first months were like I was going through withdrawals. It was hard. Omfg it was hard. I lacked self esteem and As much as I am happy about it now. It was never easy then. I didn’t have a good look with the short hair. 

I really did not. My head looked larger and It took patience until it was long enough to start braiding and I braided…

I shaved sides and I am still with it. Never liked my side hair.

So if you read some of my hair posts. You would know a clue about a little of what I went through. 

I even stopped trying to dress nice because looking in the mirror was hard. Taking a selfie was harder. So I braided. Braiding in my country is cheap. All I needed to do is wash, treat and braid. All costing 2 ksh including the braids. Other braids needed me to add 500 ksh. And I still get change for bus fare.

And looking back at the YouTube videos of the hair products to use and shit, i can’t afford that and if I did. I am too lazy to do my hair in all that process when I can get a wash and treatment and blow dry for only 500 ksh that is American 5dollars.

And now that my hair is longer. Shit my hair in one year is freaking long. Even I can’t believe it. I remember struggling to keep it long all my 23 years and when I cut it, the progress of my hair looks like half of those 23 years. In one year. 

Hehehe 

I am bloody happy.

So bloody happy.

I am still on the natural hair journey. I am giving it another year and I am going to flipping my hair around like those hair commercial women.

I love box braids a lot and I am going to be trying faux locs. My head is the fragile skull that I wince at everything and my head automatically Moves with the hair dryer to avoid the pain. I am that annoying customer who hisses at everything.

Lol…not funny though, I am doing my best. 

Bye…see you perhaps in a year to come where I boast about how much the hair journey has been fruitful for me.

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Following up To my Hair Alterations.

Yesterday I posted about my discion to have my hair locked. Sisterlocs. You should have seen how excited I was and I Started searching for how it would cost and right after I simply just stopped having hope. 

The cost for sisterlocs are bloody expensive. 

Sure I would have asked for cash from my mom but not 20k people. I can’t even try and open my mouth to try and even utter the words ‘mom…I need 20k’. 

Sisterlocs are the kind of styles that you dig into your own pocket and pay it. Money that I will have it when I am 30. Perhaps at that time. I will have 20k pocket cash to use however I please but now I don’t even know what to do to have that kind of cash as pocket money. 

Everybody meaning my friends and bro all were cool and like me when they heard the price. They were like “what the hell?” 

My Sisterloc dreams crashed before they even started. I ain’t going to dish out 20k…right now.

What do I do to motivate myself? “Perhaps when I am 30 the prices will have dropped.”

That is what I say. I have got six years to save and hope prices will drop in this six years.

I am moving on to other styles to try on my head. 

My Melanin, My Insecurities…

You might think African women have no insecurities about their skin color then you are in for a surprise.

How African’s perceive beauty is what makes everyone else more sub conscious about their skin color. No one wants to be dark. It has come to that point that when they describe someone dark, they use “she is almost Sudanese black”.

I have got neighbours, had class mates who were Sudanese and they have a complexion close to Purple. Dark purple and imagine if I constantly berated about my skin color how about them? I do it. I just did it now.

Kids are mean. They don’t know their names but identity them as ” Akina Sudanese” (the sudanese Guys) Not by their names and after they have gone I am suddenly overwhelmed by the guilt of not correcting my nephew. Telling him to go ask their names. 

I am in a country where they identify you by your tribe. If you don’t mention your Mother or fathers name then based on your complexion they will unconciously put you on a category. 

(“Anaka Mkamba”)(“she looks like a kamba”) but I grew up and wondered why I felt humiliated and angry when they thought of me as a Jaluo. I wanted to scratch my skin out. I remember joining college and there was this girl so tall, slender and I almost turned lesbian for her. She was so beautiful. She was a Jaluo and I came out of that prejudiced opinion that I had formed. 

That darkness doesn’t mean ugly. 

Brown skin is the popular skin color to be and the pointy. (“Pointy in which I don’t know how it even means what it means. Pointy is what we refer to Interracial babies.) The ones who you know one of their Parents are White or Arab or Asian…etc.

You will find most women just sleep with them foreign men just to have their beautiful babies…and before we know it. We are all going to be yellow skinned. 

The skin issue has gotten to the point of bleaching. Now those that do it are stupid on another level because you will discover they bleached their faces, neck and arms and perhaps forgot about their legs. 

There is this crave to not be dark and I still feel insecure about it but I am slowly starting to love this complexion of mine. 

But like when I say “I am fat” I didn’t mean I was ugly just fat. So when I say I am dark, don’t tell me that I am Still pretty like you need to console me.

Death After the Big Chop?

There is that assumption that once you chop your hair that you are done with the hair business. Done with going to salons or the expensive maintenance.

I have someone in my life that is dedicated to complaining about my worry over the hair.

When I ask her how much box braids would cost and she looks at me as if I cursed the ground under her feet. 

With which she answers. (I do not know. What ? Are you tired of your hair already? You chopped your hair. Forget about the salon.)

While in fact my head is swirling with countless ideas of what to do with my hair. 

What she wants me to keep to one style? Its not why I cut my hair. I didn’t chop my hair because I got tired of hair. In fact I love it and I chopped it for the natural hair. 

This is my journey where I experiment every shit available that’s going to make me and my hair look beautiful without relaxing my hair.

She then begins to mention how expensive short hair is. I want to tell her beauty isn’t cheap or easy. I don’t plan on staying short you know! 

I plan on loving the natural curls on my head because I got them. Patience. 

I am learning.

Learning about the hair products.

I have so Much planned for this head. 

When I had the relaxed hair. I was always worried about my hair getting wet. My hair cutting. Saving for my retouch after every two months.

Having limited styles on my head. Now I am all over Pinterest searching every thing. 

8 Days after my Big chop. 

It feels like a lifetime and I suddenly have so much to do with my new look and hair.

Cutting my hair to my mom was a mute discussion. Not going to happen which happened. 

In this eight days. I have battled with everything. I have never had short hair and its a new experience. 

I always went to the salon to have my hair. So I don’t know what Shampo to use or conditioner and you google and you find all this hair products that have me wincing because I am in Kenya.Africa. 

All those recommendations are not going to help because they are damn expensive and the shipping costs too much.

I have a dictator in my life who is telling me none of the styles I see on Pinterest suite my face. That I should just chop it off and let it grow like Afro where I am gunning for a Tapered hairstyle.

Which she progresses to inform me that those hairstyle’s aren’t natural hair and if they are, our hair are not the same.

Which begs a question that I really wish someone will answer.

(Do we (meaning African women) have different hair texture from the African foreign? (Not only for the African American but also those in Europe, and Asia.)

I have read enough to see we do have the same hair texture. Different but similar.

So this new haircut of mine is something I want to experience. To experiment moderately and I am trying to tell her very politely that 

“Can I just like know my hair. Let me do my hair. Let me make memories and know what style not to put. Can I?)

First day at the barber shop.

Not really first time. Taking my nephew isn’t qualified is it?

Anyway. My first time was after my big chop. Cutting the long hair that I took pride in and I came to conclusion. People say I have nice hair. Never said I looked good in it. 

I decided to chop of the relaxed hair and to my natural hair where I looked a total mess after it.

The guy did cut my relaxed hair but didn’t give my hair shape and after staring at it for two days. I rushed to the nearest barber shop where he Cut my hair. Just how I wanted my head to be shaped. 

Though I am sure he  tried his very best to be patient. Since I kept panicking that I’ll end up looking bald if I don’t keep an eye on it and my poor eyesight wasn’t helping keep watch.

I kept putting my glasses back on just to instruct him (which was annoying)

And I decided to shut up and just put my trust on the guy to make me look good. 

I had assumed that my head shape was just a mess but after that. I am back to loving my head.

Adjusting to what I regret. The big chop.

Those moments that you try and console yourself that the big chop is the way to go. Imagining yourself after the big chop. Looking at the mirror trying to picture your face with a big chop.

Your friends telling you going natural is the best way to go and I did it. 

Going on Pinterest  and liking it but its not what you get. 

And what I will get accustomed to it and I regret…kinda. I don’t know. Adjusting to my new look. Making my face look different from what I am used to and then deciding to be patient.

Patience…wait. Wait until hair grows out and do whatever I want with it.

I am talking about hair. Cutting off the relaxed hair and remaining with your natural hair and having some guy even out your hair and you don’t like it but I never did like my styles before and grew to liking them.

I’ll grow into it.